POSITIVE IMAGE FOR WOMEN
A few weeks ago I had the chance to speak at a summit organized by Anushree Tantia, an etiquette coach in India, as part of the ‘Positive Image Movement’ she founded.
This movement aims to support working women around the world by giving them the keys to develop their professional image. Among the speakers, there is a great diversity: image consultants, etiquette consultants, stylists, …
Here are the key points from this interview with Anushree:
– What are the main obstacles that often hold women back from putting themselves forward, despite their great talents?
– What are the essential elements of etiquette that make it easy to shine professionally and in society?
– What tools can you use to manage your professional life with style, in the virtual world?
Impostor, did you say impostor
A strange syndrome
When a lack of self-confidence is experienced, this can sometimes lead to the well-known impostor syndrome, something women feels more often than men.
The Impostor syndrome is a tendency to doubt one’s skills, talents or achievements. This causes a persistent fear of being considered by the rest of the world as a ‘fraud’.
This is of course a barrier to personal development. It can make some women more easily shy. They will no longer dare to share their ideas at work or in society. It’s a bit of a vicious circle, the less you believe in yourself, the less you dare to show yourself and eventually people think that you really don’t know anything and are not able to do certain tasks.
Not allowing yourself to dream
There is also this mental barrier that keeps women away from certain types of jobs or activities. A woman will say ‘that kind of role is not for me’, ‘there’s no point in thinking about it, it’s out of my reach’ – and it’s the inability to dream that stops them from considering achieving their full potential.
Where a man would say “the sky’s the limit”, a woman would think “stay in your place and don’t try to think too big”.
Always setting the bar too high
Last but not least, the fear of disappointment. While men are less perfectionist, women are afraid to fail and show their weaknesses.
But in life, and especially in the professional sphere, it is not possible to win all the time. There must be setbacks at times. That is how you learn and improve.
Now the question is: how can we help women to overcome their fears and achieve a good level of confidence, to adopt a positive mindset that will help them to achieve their professional and personal goals?
What is the role of etiquette in this quest for confidence?
Etiquette is a very powerful tool at our disposal and it is nothing more than knowing what to do, when.
Here are some examples of what etiquette covers:
– good posture,
– good eye contact – while being aware of cultural differences in this regard,
– a positive facial expression, not allowing your body language to betray your emotions,
– an appropriate dress code according to the formality of an event or meeting,
– how to behave in a virtual meeting. This aspect of etiquette is reinforced in the circumstances of the Covid pandemic, with teleworking almost becoming the norm.
– table manners, again taking into account cultural differences,
– e-etiquette, also reinforced in the context of the pandemic. This includes e-mail etiquette and the ‘art’ of answering the phone properly.
When you know and become aware of these key elements of conduct , you are no longer afraid of being taken for a fraud and you gain confidence more easily.
With confidence comes positivity, which is a very important second step. You then enter a virtuous circle, and like a man, you can allow yourself to think: “the sky is the limit”!
How to make a good first impression - online or in person?
'You never get a second chance to make a good first impression'
This quote from David Swanson is absolutely true!
Thus, it’s best to be prepared in advance so that you can score points very quickly and stand out from the crowd.
The first impression, if successful, is the launch of your brand, and it matters because :
you are your own brand and you have to defend it.
Some tips that apply both online and offline:
The elevator speech
Knowing how to present yourself in all circumstances is crucial. It is a difficult exercise at the beginning. Explaining who you are, what you do for a living, what you want to do in the future or what you expect from a meeting, all in a few sentences, is far from being an easy exercise.
However, the way in which you present yourself is an excellent way to make a positive impression in the first few seconds or minutes.
Try to prepare your speech carefully in advance so that you sound as natural, but also as concise as possible, when you deliver it.
Smile
Smile and be polite at all times. A rather neutral attitude is expected when it comes to professional interactions. Showing a positive attitude from the very first moment will give you an advantage. It helps to smooth communication between people and ease any tensions.
Knowing how to introduce others
In a face-to-face situation, knowing how to introduce someone to someone else, following the rules of protocol is important. Again, you will be in control of the situation and must show a good deal of confidence.
Others will notice and appreciate your ability to get the conversation going, especially if the people don’t know each other.
How to stand out on screen?
Covid has dramatically increased the amount of screen time we spend, especially at work. And it will probably stay that way from now on.
The rules are a bit different if you are online rather than in a face-to-face situation.
In a virtual meeting, people only see your upper body, and not your whole body. Thus, a lot of your body language is lost.
It is therefore imperative to pay attention to certain details.
Mastering dress codes
Even if the meeting takes place online, always dress according to the formality of the meeting.
Know what colors suit you best. And take into account your skin tone and the color of the wall behind you.
Importance of make-up
Don’t neglect your make-up or hairstyle thinking that it is no longer important because you work from home. They are still crucial because they help build your image as a professional.
On screen, only your torso is visible, so the role your facial expressions play is even more important than when your whole body is visible.
Pay attention to eye contact
In a face-to-face meeting, eye contact is important, especially when you are meeting Westerners who are used to making eye contact.
On the screen, it is more difficult to know where to look when you are in front of your computer. This becomes even more complicated if some meeting participants do not turn on their cameras, and you cannot see their faces.
One suggestion is to look at the eye of your computer camera. This will ensure that the people you are talking to feel that you are looking them in the eye and not just staring at them.
How to make a good impression in society?
This is all about breaking the ice, especially when you are in a networking situation and meeting people for the first time.
In a practical sense, breaking the ice means “making people who have never met or who know little about each other feel comfortable with each other”.
Most studies show that 2/3 of people say they feel uncomfortable when they have to mix with people they don’t know. This could be at a work event, or even a dinner party with friends or family.
Here are some tips to help you get through these situations:
The importance of preparation
Preparation is essential. For example, if you are attending an event at a venue you are not familiar with, try to find out about the venue and its specifics beforehand. It could be a sports team, the gastronomy, the historical context, the music groups, the latest exhibitions, etc…
You will then have something to talk about and this can really help to start a conversation.
Then, if you feel that you are a bit stagnant, ask the person with whom you are speaking a question about themself. For example: “Tell me about your job”, “Does your job require a lot of travel?”, “Are your teams multicultural?” …. In general, people like to talk about themselves and their activities… this should help to start, or re-start a conversation!
To conclude
The small confidence deficit that women suffer from more readily than men is anything but inevitable. Etiquette is there to provide simple but very effective principles: it serves your image. Building your professional image is a powerful tool for standing out and gaining the confidence that women need to realize their full potential.
And yes, “sky is the limit”, for both men and women!
To see the interview and those of the other participants:
